I was an infant when I met Mae. I don't remember it, but we lived with a couple who cared for orphans. While I was still a baby, almost everyone at the orphanage suddenly died. She never told me how. Afterwards, Mae took me in. She didn't have anything except her parent's home, but it was long abandoned by then. It smelled terrible and the bed we had was always wet and cold, but we were happy to live there.
"Hello?"
"Oh, Lyra! I'll be there in just a moment." It smelled like poop and dirt, but I was used to it.. I'd been here almost every day. I liked the cages and animals everywhere. Behind a vent, fiery salamanders napped in smoldering coals. I bought one a long time ago, but it burned part of our house down so Mae said I had to return it. There were always animals coming in that I had never seen before. That day, there were some fox pups with white fur and purple and gold feathers flowing off their heads, backs, and legs. I liked their eyes, they were like a bird's but they still had cute little eyebrows. They were gliding and playing together. So fluffy.
"AdiMai! Child, what are you wearing?" Gatt was a huge man with a thick black beard. He was very friendly, but he still seemed scary sometimes.
"Did you get those clothes out of a dumpster?"
"I don't mind, they keep me warm." I never felt like I was used to talking with people. I wanted to go home and see Mae and the animals.
"They cover the important parts I guess. Let me get you some of Lia's hand-me-downs
though." When he came back he had a pair of baggy pants, gloves, an overcoat, and two shirts.
"The pups are cute, huh? Mari already named them."
"I'd like one if that's okay, I think this should be ten kyr."
"You're buying?"
"Um... well... Mae worked longer than usual last week so she gave me a little spending money."
"Hmm..." Gatt looked me over. "Well... they're two kyr a pup"
"Is that the discounted price?"
"It's the price for you."
"But..."
"Lyra, can I give you some advice?" I didn't know what to say, so I just waited. "I know
you love animals. I know that you spend everything you get on them. It warms my heart, but if you didn't have Mae, what would happen to you?" Suddenly all the wrinkles on Gatt's face seemed a little deeper. I remembered his daughter. "You can't help anyone if you don't help yourself. Please try to take care of yourself. For the people who care about you, okay?"
"Okay, but is five kyr alright? Just for today?"
"Three for the clothes and two for the pup. Don't come in to buy something wearing rags again."
A few months later, Mae got really sick and couldn't work. I asked her shop if I could
help out instead. I think they felt bad for me, but I wasn't any good at fixing things like Mae, and she wasn't in a condition to look after the animals. One afternoon, I took them outside to let Mae sleep and the horned rabbit, Kaja, got away from me. That was when I first found the door to the bridge in the Red Forest. But I was too scared to go inside. I left it alone for a little while. Mae got better and I thought about telling her, but I had a bad feeling about it. So I waited. But her birthday was coming and it felt like it had been nothing but hard days at work for a long time.
The door was crude and had writing in a language that I had never seen before. Carved into it were eyes of all kinds and a worn stone mouth for the handle. Our bed seemed very warm compared to the stone, but I knew this creepy tunnel would beat another poorly-made pair of mittens.
When I came to end of the bridge, and saw the hands for the first time, I turned back as fast as I could. The more I thought about them, the more I thought about how happy it would make Mae to find them. I knew that they were probably dangerous, but if they weren't then Mae wouldn't have to work anymore. We could sell them and she could be an apprentice and go on all kinds of adventures. Please, just this one time, let things work out for her.
You're still warm. Even though it's wet and sticky, it feels good to press my face against yours, the way we used to sleep when I was little and our roof was full of holes. I'm sorry Mae. I'm sorry you had to struggle for so long. That your life became nothing but work and taking care of me. I don't want you to go. If I had known that you would do this to yourself I don't know if I would have brought you here. But now you can finally relax. You don't have to worry about me anymore.
Life has become painful for me. Time feels like it moves incredibly slow. Every part of me is pushing together. It's too much. Sometimes the feeling makes me vomit. If I touch the hands now, they don't show me anything. But the vision is still burned into me. I see it when I close my eyes. I want to die. I want all these feelings to end. I want to be with Mae. But I think I'm the only person who can carry the hands. For the rest of my life I'll carry them. I'll show as many people as I can. One day, everyone can be there together. I'll see you soon.
by zombi